A Course in Miracles says, “You cannot make yourself unworthy because you are the treasure of God, and what He values is valuable.”
You are valuable, and that will never change. However, inherent in the belief and experience of separation, we carry guilt. Believing the impossible happened; that we separated from our Source (God), we feel a deep seeded sense of unworthiness. The desire, therefore is to find wholeness. Whether conscious or unconscious, life becomes a perpetual search for love.
The world teaches us that if we’re good enough, if we act in such a way that won’t offend or upset people, we’ll be accepted. Seeking approval, getting confirmation that we’re acting the “right” way, so that others are pleased, only brings temporary relief and assurance.
Because the cornerstone of the problem (belief in separation) has not been corrected, the external validation is short lived. We’ll eventually question our worthiness again. The “externals” and circumstances will only continue to change and we’ll eventually “mess up” in the eyes of others. The guilt we carry will always produce doubt. And with that comes pain and feelings rejection. Seeking validation then becomes a constant chase for love where it cannot be found.
The chase for approval denies the Reality of the love (the Self that we are in Truth) right now. By seeking outside ourselves, to find what can only be found within, we obscure the awareness of love’s presence. We assume we’re lacking in some way. Left unrecognized, the quest for approval keeps us on a perpetual longing that hides our true nature; Holy Self (Spirit).
Below are examples of how we seek approval and blind ourselves from the present reality of love.
“To compromise is to accept but part of what you want; to take a little and give up the rest. Salvation gives up nothing.” – A Course in Miracles
What we desire is love, and love is whole. Therefore, minimizing what the heart is calling for, so not to upset or offend another, is to not understand what love is. Settling in an attempt to hold on to something, or protect someone or something of the world will cost us sight of who and what we really are. This has been clearly demonstrated to me in relationships. Where I thought compromise was a means to keeping the “peace,” I found I distanced myself from a true sense of satisfaction that comes from following my intuition. Whether conscious or unconscious, compromise always fosters some form grievances and resentment.
“The ego establishes relationships only to get something.” – A Course in Miracles
We people please to get love from others. The assumption is that we don’t already have it and the hidden mantra is, “please validate me as worthy.” But as long as we think we’re going to “get” validation from others or outside, we’re blinded to what’s already within. Spiritual Awakening is waking up to the realization that we don’t have to earn love, we we only have to accept it.
“When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but will also underhand peace and joy.” – A Course in Miracles
When we hold back what we feel, we shut down our ability to commune with others. If I have a secret, hidden agenda, or feelings I don’t want anyone to know about, I build a psychic wall between myself and others. Subsequently making manifest an experience of feeling alone and isolated. The invitation, instead, is to speak and express your truth in whatever way it’s guided.
“Your confusion of sacrifice and love is so profound that you cannot conceive of love without sacrifice.” – A Course in Miracles
We’ve been taught that to love someone is to sacrifice for them. What a bunch of crap! Logic and reason tells us, that if we truly love someone, we allow them to be as they are, WITHOUT conditions. Being unconditional, love doesn’t ask for sacrifice. If we sacrifice for the love of others, we are going without…as are others who sacrifice for us. Love isn’t partial. If love is true, it’s WHOLE, no exceptions. God only loves, (w)Holy, there are no substitutes.
“You have no image to be perceived. The word “image” is always perception-related, and not a part of knowledge.” – A Course in Miracles
There’s nothing more exhausting than trying to keep up with an image we make for ourself. Whether we’re trying to say the “right” thing, wear the right clothes or act in a way that confirms the idea we have of ourself and want to project to others, it’s ALL very tiresome. Who cares? Freedom is being as we are, nothing more, nothing less. True acceptance is understanding that we’ll never be perfect in behavior, expression, attitude or looks. No matter how we show up, we’re enough.
The worth we seek lies beyond what our 5 senses tell us. ACIM says “Your worth is beyond perception because it is beyond doubt.” Hence your worth, has nothing to do with behavior, personality, accomplishments, bodily traits, or relationships.
What we’ve learned from our conditioning is how to create ourselves into an image that is acceptable to the world. However, our efforts to establish our worth, through attempts to get approval from the world, will always fail because we’ve already judged against ourselves.
What we are has already been established by God. It is the unchangeable Spirit. When we’re willing to drop the mask of the “pretend identity” and be who we are, guided by what’s in the heart (no matter how it looks), we become witness to a Self that requires no effort to assert or manipulate. Life then becomes easy as breathing. This calls only for acceptance. We ARE the perfect (Holy) Self, in every way….and that needs no justification or validation. It’s time to BE free!